


Forgotten Days Since Passed

by nothingwithoutyouxo



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 06:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15813444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothingwithoutyouxo/pseuds/nothingwithoutyouxo
Summary: It was supposed to be an ordinary day, but then all of his friends were texting him about how something was off and they needed to know that he was ok, Melchior was drowning in guilt that he had no cause for, and of course, there was the fact that Moritz was freezing down to his bones and he didn't know why.(A reincarnation AU where they all live through the day that Moritz died.)





	Forgotten Days Since Passed

**Author's Note:**

> If I did this right, this should be the perfect mix of heartbreaking and heartwarming. The summary might make it sound a little more dramatic than it is. 
> 
> Content warning for mentions of guns and vague mentions to stuff that happens in the show.

There was nothing unusual about the day from what he could tell. All the cliches were still in place. There were birds singing and the sun was starting to creep slowly over the horizon, casting the sky into soft pinks and oranges. The wind was blowing softly through the trees, a branch occasionally tapping against his bedroom window. It should have felt like an ordinary day, but he couldn’t avoid the pressing need that there was something very wrong. That something very bad was going to happen. There was something pulling at him, a warning, but he had no idea what it was for. Had no idea what could cause the guilt twisting within him, clawing at him and trying to force him to pay attention to it. He’d never felt like this before, so horrible and broken and _lost_. Something was wrong. Something had always been wrong. Why couldn’t he tell what it was? Why couldn’t his brain distinguish it? The only thing that seemed to unravel itself from the mess inside him was that he needed to be with Moritz. He needed to be with him right now.

 

It didn’t take much for Melchior to make his decision. If he felt this horrid, like there was a weight against his chest that was constantly making it hard to breathe, and if his brain was telling him that he needed to go to Moritz then he would. For all he knew something could happen later that day and he needed to be there to stop it. He didn’t even think before slowly making his way through his still quiet house and out the front door. He had his phone and that’s all he needed. If his parents wanted to contact him for whatever reason they could do so that way.

 

He’d never been more grateful for the fact that his house was only a few blocks from Moritz’s. If it wasn’t within walking distance he’d have an awful time trying to get there and that wasn’t something he’d want to deal with. He spared a thought, as he tapped on the glass of Moritz’s bedroom window, for the fact that he might not have even been awake yet. Sleeping in was one of his favourite hobbies, but maybe that wasn’t the case today. The window popped open and Melchior quickly climbed inside. It was a common practice, something they’d been doing for years. It was an easy way to sneak around both their parents and still see each other. As soon as he settled into the room and spotted Moritz, he quickly made his way over to him and pulled him into a hug. It wasn’t something they usually did, and he could tell that Moritz wasn’t expecting it at all, but it was something that he needed.

 

“Uh, hey,” Moritz muttered, not really sure what to do.

 

“Christ, Moritz, you’re freezing.”

 

“Yeah, I know. I don’t - I don’t really know why, but I don’t - I could be contagious.”

 

Melchior shook his head, buried his face in Moritz’s hair. “Don’t care,” he muttered.

 

Moritz paused for a moment before slowly hugging him back. He knew Melchior wasn’t usually good at comforting someone, but it was working this time. He found himself relaxing. “You can feel it too, huh?”

 

He wondered if Moritz already knew the answer. “Yeah,” he replied anyway, holding him just a little bit tighter. It wasn’t really that cold out, the sun was starting to filter in through the window next to them. Why the hell did Moritz feel like ice? There was absolutely no reason for it.

 

He really didn’t want to pull away, but he knew that he had to. “Maybe we were connected in a past life or something,” he said, not really looking at him but down at the floor instead.

 

Melchior instinctively rested a hand against Moritz’s forehead to check his temperature. It didn’t make sense. He was far colder than a healthy body temperature, but he wasn’t showing symptoms of anything, not even really shivering as much as he should have been. The fact that he was somehow functioning as normal was something completely impossible.

 

“I don’t think it’s anything physical,” he explained. “At least, not really. Or maybe, not yet”

 

He nodded, dropped his hand again. “A blanket fort would help, right?”

 

Moritz couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face. “Is that an offer?” he asked.

 

“Maybe.”

 

He just looked at him for a moment, overwhelmed with an urge to hug him again, but that would definitely out do their quota for the day. One hug was more than enough. “Was there anything you needed to do today? Anything important?”

 

Melchior shook his head. “Nothing that wouldn’t be a million times better in a blanket fort.”

 

Moritz smiled. Somehow just having the reassurance of Melchior’s presence was enough to calm him down just a little bit. It was still there, of course, that awful, gnawing feeling, but maybe he didn’t need to focus on it. It didn’t need to consume him in a way that he was so used to his feelings doing. He rocked back on his heels absently. “Hallway closet has more blankets we could steal for the day,” he said. “You cool to carry some?”

 

“Lead the way.”

 

He had no idea why he did it, but for some reason he ended up taking Melchior’s hand. It wasn’t something that he’d thought about and by the time he realised what he was doing it was too late. He looked up at Melchior, horrified of what his reaction would be, but Melchior just shrugged and interlocked their fingers easily. He was smiling and Moritz thought that maybe if his heart kept racing it would force off the dreadful cold. This wasn’t something that he should have been doing, somehow that felt like it should ring true, but he didn’t want to care about it.

 

It was still completely silent in the house and Moritz had never been more grateful that his parents were both heavy sleepers. He’d rather not wake up them this early on a Sunday. It wasn’t something that would go well. He let go of Melchior’s hand - ignoring the fact that his felt so _jittery_ \- so that he could pull the closet doors open.

 

“How many do we need?” he asked. He tried to think how many it had taken last time, but it had been a while. A good few years, he thought.

 

Melchior just shrugged. “As many as you like.”

 

Somewhere in his brain he was being told that the answer was _all of them_ so his eye carefully scanned the shelves until he found some. He pulled four out, passing them over to Melchior, and then noticed one on the top shelf, which just so happened to be one that he _had_ to get. It was blue and had stars sewn into it. It had been his favourite when he was a kid. The issue was, that he wasn’t quite tall enough to reach it. He looked up at Melchior and noticed that he was smirking.

 

“Want me to get that one down?” he teased.

 

Moritz bit down on his lip. “If it’s not too much trouble.”

 

He just rolled his eyes, carefully handed Moritz the blankets he was already holding. “You could never be too much trouble.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Do you think this is enough?”

 

He nodded.

 

They quickly set to work. Trailing back into Moritz’s bedroom and moving chairs to help hold up the blankets. Initially they had the issue of the blankets blocking out any sort of light, which resulted in more shifting of furniture until they had the sun filtering in at just the right angle. Just enough that they’d be able to see. When the sun slowly repositioned itself in the sky throughout the day, it _might_ cause some more issues but neither of them were focusing on that right now, instead opting to just live entirely in the moment they were in. Once they had their roof, they added as many pillows as they could to form a little nest on the inside. Moritz was quite content to not move from here from the rest of the day, especially when Melchior wrapped the blue starry blanket around his shoulders, successfully starting to cacoon him in it. The cold wasn’t letting up and he was grateful for any sort of warmth at this point. Maybe it was starting to catch up to him. He thought that maybe he was starting to feel it. Melchior dragged Moritz’s laptop in with them and then their set up was complete, except for the fact that neither of them had remembered food existed yet. That was a problem for later.

 

“What’s the first Disney movie you can think of?” he asked, logging easily into the laptop and bringing up the browser.

 

“The Little Mermaid.”

 

Melchior nodded, already filtering through a few streaming sites until he found a good one. “Netflix needs to add more films. I know Disney’s rumoured to be starting their own dumb site for their stuff but that’s not really as smart as they think it is,” he was saying.

 

“Wait,” Moritz muttered. “Not that one.”

 

He looked up at him, somehow knowing exactly what he was asking. “Original Disney Peter Pan or 2003 Peter Pan?”

 

“2003 Peter Pan.”

 

Melchior smiled, nudged his shoulder gently. “Done.”

 

Moritz stared down at his hands, twisting them in his blanket as Melchior found a stream. He placed the laptop down in front of them and Moritz wondered how close he could sit to him without it being weird. “Melchi?”

 

“Hmm?” he looked up, finding himself to be very cautious of the space between them.

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

Melchior watched as Moritz continued to wring his hands. “Of course you can.”

 

“What do you know about snow?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Moritz pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them and hoping maybe that would help somehow. “Like, if someone were to lay down in the snow for a really long time, what would happen to them?”

 

Melchior pulled at his glasses absently. He hated that he knew what Moritz was thinking. “Depending how long they were there for, they could contract hypothermia,” he explained.

 

He nodded, resting his chin against his knees and staring at the little screen in front of them. “You can die from that right?”

 

There was something in his brain yelling at him because of this and he wished that it would stop. He felt horrible enough without it. “Yes,” he confirmed.

 

Moritz didn’t say anything, just continued to stare ahead.

 

Melchior wondered if past lives were real, and if you were supposed to feel your death from them. It didn’t make sense, wasn’t logical in any sort of way. He found himself moving closer to Moritz without realising it.

 

***

 

As the morning continued on like there was nothing that could possibly be wrong with today, Moritz started receiving quite a few texts. As more of his friends woke up, they all sent him messages asking where he was and if he was ok. He’d thought that it was just Melchior that could feel this, and that would have been ok, it would have made the most sense, but _everyone_ ? It didn’t seem fair. Moritz didn’t want them to be worried about him, didn’t want them to feel the horrible sense of _wrong_ that he was feeling. Each text seemed more panicked than the last, and he wondered if his friends could feel it in different levels. If that was even something that was possible at all.

 

***

 

The more time that passed, the more intense the guilt he was feeling became. Melchior decided that whatever he’d done in his past life to feel like this made him the most horrible person in the world. He didn’t care if that was an overdramatic assumption, but that’s how he saw the situation. It wasn’t just Moritz now, it wasn’t just that he was too afraid to leave his side for fear of something happening to him. It was that now he was also desperate to apologise to Wendla. He had no idea what for, he couldn’t remember whatever had happened, but he knew that he needed to. He owed that to her, at the very least. He pulled out his phone, already fumbling to type something out to her. He just had no idea what to say.

 

I’m sorry

Whatever I did, Wendla, please know

that I’m so sorry

 

Melchi, I don’t think you can really be blamed

for something that happened who knows

how long ago

 

Maybe not but it was still me and

I’m still responsible for it

 

I forgive you

 

You shouldn’t

 

Maybe I wouldn’t have then but I forgive you now

Don’t let this plague you

 

I don’t know what I did

 

I feel like it’s not something you’d want to know

 

What if it happens again?

 

It won’t

 

How could you possibly know that?

 

I know you

Whatever you were like then isn’t what

you’re like now

 

I hope you’re right

 

When have I ever been wrong? =P

 

Point taken

 

Are you with Moritz?

 

Yes

 

How is he?

 

Wrapped up in his fave blanket

Watching Disney movies

Eating popcorn

 

Blessed image

 

He’s freezing

Ice cold

 

Must have been a cold winter

A million years ago

 

I’m scared

 

He’s going to be ok

 

Wendla, I think I lost him

 

Yeah

I think we all did

 

How am I supposed to live with that?

 

He’s right next to you, Melchi

He’s ok

 

I can’t lose him

 

You’re not going to

 

He’s all I want

 

Wow

Gay

 

Not like that

 

=P

 

Maybe … a little like that

 

Ooh

 

Don’t tell him

 

Nah that’s something you have to do

 

Wendla

I’m sorry

Again

 

If you were a bad person once

You’re not now

I mean, look what you’re doing for Moritz

 

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him

 

Exactly

 

Thank you

 

Ease your mind

And the rest will follow

 

Isn’t it free your mind?

 

Shit

 

***

 

“Moritz?” A silence had fallen over the two of them and while part of Melchior was sure that Moritz was comfortable enough with it, he was finding himself to be far too on edge.

 

Moritz looked up at him, smiling just a little and Melchior wished that he didn’t looked so worried behind it all. “You ok?”

 

Absolutely not. “Can we talk about it, maybe?” he asked. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was asking, but he felt like he had something to say.

 

He nodded, turning to face Melchior a little more. “If you need to.”

 

Melchior wasn’t sure how he felt about that response. He didn’t _need_ to it was just that - “Moritz, I think something happened to you,” he explained. “Maybe a long time ago.”

 

Moritz twisted his hands in his lap, looking down at them, and nodded. “I think so too.”

 

“And I don’t know why but I wasn’t there for it and I wasn’t there for you and I don’t -”

 

“It’s not your fault, Melchi,” he cut in. “Of course it isn’t. It’s not your job to take care of me.”

 

“Maybe not, but I wasn’t there and something hurt you and I don’t -” he paused. He’d lost the point he was trying to make somewhere. “I’m sorry,” he said. It felt like all he could say today, and it was something that he needed to say to far too many people. Ilse was next, he was realising, for whatever reason. “You needed someone and I wasn’t there.”

 

Moritz looked up at him for a moment. He could tell how much this was weighing on him, and that didn’t seem fair at all. If something bad had happened, even if it was a long time ago, it shouldn’t be something that he had to worry about. “You’re here now,” he said. “Don’t give me those eyes. It’s enough.”

 

He was smiling again, and Melchior noticed immediately that Moritz was trying to comfort _him_ , which made him feel even more awful because it definitely should have been the other way around. He had no idea how he’d managed to make this about himself, but he wished he could take it back. He reached out slowly and pushed some of Moritz’s hair out of his eyes, causing him to go entirely still. “Too much?”

 

Moritz shook his head. “Just enough.”

 

***

 

The day dragged on slowly, and while both of them seemed to be under the impression that something horrible was going to happen at some point, when the sun starting slinking back towards the horizon for the night they seemed to relax just a little bit. Just enough that most of the tension seemed to leave the room, the weight in the air was lifted just slightly. Maybe they were going to be ok. At least, that’s what Melchior had thought until Moritz jolted next to him and he turned to see him grabbing at his neck, one hand over his mouth for a moment.

 

“Melchi, am I bleeding?” he asked. There was a strain in his voice that Melchior desperately wished wasn’t there. His eyes had gone glassy, and Melchior was worried that he was _seeing_ something that he shouldn’t have.

 

He pulled Moritz’s hands from his neck gently, there wasn’t anything to be worried about. No marks, no cuts, no blood. He shook his head. “No bleeding,” he answered, and wondered if Moritz could hear the relief in his voice.

 

Moritz nodded, squeezed Melchior’s hand before pulling away quickly. He brought his knees up to his chest again, hugging himself. “Did you hear that?”

 

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want Moritz to feel this. He shook his head again. “I didn’t hear anything,” he muttered.

 

“It was loud. Like fireworks.”

 

Melchior closed his eyes for a moment. So this was how he’d lost him. “Did it echo? The sound?”

 

“No. Why?”

 

Gunshots didn’t echo. They broke the sound barrier instead. Melchior felt sick. If Moritz hadn’t figured it out for himself then he definitely didn’t want to tell him. He just hoped that he hadn’t _felt_ it, the unimaginable pain of it all. Surely he would have had more of a reaction if that were the case. “No reason,” he replied, shifting closer to him. He started drawing circles on Moritz’s back, it was something that often helped calm him down. Something he often did before big tests and speeches in class. “You’re ok.”

 

Moritz stared down at the screen that was slowly rolling through _High School Musical 2_ at this point. “Do you think Zac Efron knew he was creating one of the most iconic dances of all time in this scene?” he asked.

 

He wasn’t sure if God was real, but if she was he was so grateful that she’d made Moritz just that little bit naive. Just enough that it was easy for him to distract himself with other things. “Would you place a bet on whether he did or not?”

 

Moritz laughed and Melchior had never been more relieved to hear it in his life. “That was awful,” he chastised.

 

“Troy Bolton puns aren’t my strong suit. I’m sorry.”

 

“Get your head in the game, Melchior.”

 

***

 

At some point, they’d taken to just lying down amongst all the pillows they’d compiled in their fort. Melchior was pretty sure he’d be content to just lie here for the rest of eternity with Moritz next to him. He could hear whatever musical number the next movie was up to softly in the background, the laptop screen providing the only light in the room, and there was finally a sense of contentment. Climbing its way back to where it usually was whenever they spent time together. Melchior looked to his right and watched Moritz for a few seconds. He was tapping along to the song, eyes closed and smiling at the familiarity of it. He was suddenly struck with the need to tell him something, something important that the past version of him might never have done.

 

“I need to tell you something,” he said, hoping not to break their little bubble just yet.

 

Moritz opened his eyes, rolling onto his side so he was facing him. Melchior couldn’t help the relief that Moritz finally looked _calm_. It was definitely an improvement, maybe tonight wouldn’t be as awful as the day had been. “Ask away,” he replied, smiling.

 

He _did_ look tired, and he was probably emotionally drained from the hell he’d been going through and Melchior hoped that it wasn’t a bad time to do this. “I love you,” he muttered, watching the spark in Moritz’s eyes that somehow translated to ‘!?!’. “Not just today,” he clarified, “and not just because everything is weird, but every day. All the time.”

 

“You mean that?”

 

Melchior wished that he could know what was going on inside of his head. He nodded. “I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”

 

Moritz stayed quiet for a moment. He was chewing on his lip and Melchior had just enough time to start doubting himself before he spoke. “I want to be closer to you, but I don’t want to make you really cold.”

 

“It’s ok,” he replied, without even thinking.

 

He shifted so that he was curled up against Melchior’s side, his head resting against Melchior’s shoulder. Melchior wrapped and arm around him carefully, starting to draw circles against his back again. Moritz rested a hand against Melchior’s heart. He could feel it pounding at what he was sure was a faster pace than usual. He smiled. “You mean it.”

 

“Glad you came to that conclusion,” Melchior smirked.

 

Moritz just rolled his eyes and tried to pretend he didn’t enjoy the fact that it made Melchior laugh. “I love you too,” he said.

 

Melchior went very still for a moment. He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t expected Moritz to say it back, but he was so happy that he did.

 

“Your heart says you liked that,” he teased.

 

“Maybe,” he muttered, successfully making Moritz laugh this time.

 

“I know that I may be dead, somehow in some point in time, but I’m really glad that right now I’m alive and I’m here with you.”

 

Melchior had no idea what to say to that. He kissed Moritz’s forehead gently and hoped that that was the appropriate response. Moritz snuggled closer to him so it must have been. They lay there for a moment, neither of them saying anything. The credits of the movie started rolling, the room getting just a little quieter. It almost felt like they were in their own little world. Melchior’s phone vibrated beside him and he was tempted to not even check who the message was from.

 

“Could be something important,” Moritz said, his voice much quieter. Melchior looked down to see that his eyes was closed and he smiled faintly. If Moritz somehow managed to fall asleep then Melchior would be happy to do the same. At least it meant he’d be with Moritz until morning. He reached for his phone and saw Ilse’s name on the screen.

 

Pirate Queen: _Wendla told me that you told her that you like Moritz which is Good and the stars are telling me that you two are cuddling or doing some equally gay shit right now so *eyes emoji*_

 

Melchior stared at the text for a little longer than he should have. He was tempted to roll his eyes at it, but knew that was the response she wanted. He quickly opened Snapchat and flipped on his front camera. The laptop screen was providing _just_ enough light to make out what was happening. He titled his phone so that he could easily see Moritz falling asleep on his shoulder, double checked that his flash was off, snapped a photo and captioned it before firing it off to Ilse.

 

_‘Tell the stars to shut up’_

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to hassle me on Tumblr about SA. I'm over at potter-awakening :)


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